Blog Post 27

Perpetual sleep deprivation interrupted my blog schedule again. I'm starting to get a real understanding of how it works. For most of my life, I've been very good about getting enough sleep. In college, I had martial arts on Monday nights, which regularly went past midnight and I often passed out on the floor. I'd be tired for a day or two, but recover fairly quickly. In China, I wasn't sleep deprived per se, but I had an alarm that went off at 5 AM, meaning I was always about an hour short and as a result I had no dreams for the two years I was there. With my son there was the normal first year sleep deprivation, but I always took a nice long nap after lunch, the same time he napped. So aside from the one night he randomly didn't sleep and thus neither did I, it was manageable. Now I have two kids, so on a bad night I can be woken as many times as 7 between the two of them. We are currently working on moving the toddler's crib across the house, so I don't have to worry about her screaming in the night waking her big brother. She only naps an hour between 9-10 AM, which doesn't work with my potential nap schedule and is so short that I need to use that precious time to get stuff done. Anyway, my bleary point is I've learned it's like a pit with plateaus. First you just get tired and grumpy for a few days, you shake it off and are fine, maybe add a little more sugar to the diet. If you don't recover that sleep, then you sink down lower and spend the whole day fuzzy, dragging your body around, shutting your eyes any moment that you can. If you don't get to recover THAT sleep, you hit this plateau (I suddenly realize I should have written this in the first person, sigh.) where your brain just stops trying to keep track of everything. Instead of thoughts being interrupted and desperately trying to regain trains of thought, everything just sort of floats by in a gentle sea. Stressing about what's not getting done or you're not remembering melts into a contented haze of just living in the moment, focusing on the next, trusting lists and reminders. You move slow, but you don't worry. It's when you drop past that point that things really start to unravel. Every compulsion comes back in full force, needing a neat house, needing a good meal, needing to get things done on the list, but you lack the brain power to do more than the most basic things and no amount of chocolate or sugar or general calories is going to boost your performance.  I've never sunk lower than this, thankfully, though I'm starting to forget what it's like to be well rested...